Infatuation or Love?

Is that feeling infatuation or love?

Infatuation is instant desire. It is one set of glands calling to another. 
Love is a friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows - one day at a time.

Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager, but you are not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about your beloved that you would as soon not examine too closely. It might spoil the dream.
Love is quite understand and the mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you - to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by their presence, even when they are away. Miles do not separate you. You want them neared. But near or far, you know they are yours and you can wait.

Infatuation says, “We must get married right away. I can’t risk losing him.” 
Love says, “Be patient, don’t panic. Plan your future with confidence."

Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. If you’re real honest, you’ll admit that it is difficult to be in one’s company unless you’re sure it will end in intimacy. 
Love is the maturation of friendship for you must be friends before you can be lovers.

Infatuation lacks confidence. When the other is away, you will wonder if they are  cheating; sometimes you may even check.
Love means trust. You are calm, secure, and threatened.

Infatuation will likely lead you to do things that you’ll regret later, but love never will.
Love is an upper. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before.

The last few years have taught me many things but one thing I know for sure that they have taught me is it’s so much better to wait for a true love than throw everything away on a mere infatuation.

I'm waiting for love because infatuation isn't worth the heartbreak.

You Caught My Eye Like A Dillard's Shoe Sale

I wasn’t looking for a relationship at all the first time I met you but something about you caught my eye like Dillard's shoe sale. 

Your table was just 2 tables over from mine this summer; Camp 2, I believe it was. Meal after meal I couldn’t help but notice as you would hold up 9 fingers and count down to 0 as campers filled up your table filled with Monday night spaghetti, Bosco sticks, and brownies, or Wednesday morning biscuits, chocolate gravy, and sausage patties. From the SAGU booth or the sound booth I could see you across the sanctuary as you worshiped Jesus with everything you had in you, even after long days of being a camp counselor. I would see you in the altars praying for students and interceding on their behalf night after night like their eternity depended upon it. And I’ll be perfectly honest, there’s just something so dang attractive about that.

That following week we became “social media friends.” As the months progressed from the middle of June, I’ve watched Jesus shine so brightly in your life, even if it’s from miles away through a Facebook status or a 140-character tweet. Beyond the way a man dresses, the degree he has, or even what God has called his life to, when Jesus shines so brightly, that is so attractive.

After a recent Twitter conversation with you, I got a text from a mutual friend that simply read “D8 ______.” After I got that text, I realized in that small moment of my heart skipping half a beat that for the last 7 months I had attempted to push every emotion from that week to the side not wanting to be heart broken having a “social media crush” knowing you could have any girl you wanted. 

The thing is, I'm sure you have that girl you want. Earlier this evening you changed your profile picture on Facebook to a snow day picture of you and a girl that I’m sure “has a nice dose of the Holy Ghost.” I’m sure she’s everything you’ve ever wanted. And I’m sure she loves Jesus with every fiber in her being because you don’t deserve anything less than that.

Nights like tonight I ask myself why the memories from this Camp 2 have continued to stick around like a lovesick puppy since that first day during staff meeting 252 days ago. That question still remains unanswered. So for now I’ll continue to watch you be like Jesus from miles away.

10 Ways To Keep Relationships Clean

A few late night thoughts on keeping things clean in dating relationships. Enjoy! :)

1. Clothes are not optional. 
   Be cute, be fashionable, and be freakin’ hot, but do all of this in your clothes.
2. If no one’s home, then you don’t need to be home. 
   It may seem dumb but things can go downhill way too quickly when you know someone's not going to walk in a room with the two of you in it.
   
3. Cars are grand when they’re being driven. 
   Accidents happen when cars stationary. Plain and simple.
   
4. Hands to hands, lips to lips. 
   Hands and lips are the only things that should touch. Nothing else. Plain and simple.
   
5. Pray for the date before he pays for the date. 
   If he can’t pray for the date before he pays, he doesn’t deserve your time.
   
6. God gives long legs for a reason. 
   Have no issue with running if you ever feel the need to.
   
7. And God said, “Let there be light…” 
   And the lights always stayed on. Let me reiterate, NOTHING good happens in the dark.
   
8. Stay vertical.
   A disaster in the making occurs when the world is shifted and viewed from a horizontal angle.
   
9. Give someone that your trust the opportunity to see into your relationship. 
   No hidden texts. No minimized computer screens. No lies.
   
10. Listen to Jesus. 
    He has the ultimate say in relationships with your best in mind. Listen to His whispers (and yells sometimes).

I'm Done Waiting For My Future Husband

Having grown up in church my entire life the words “true love waits” weren't something uncommon for me to hear. In fact, it’s what I was taught. For some time, I believed those three words. But the truth of the matter is, I’m done waiting.

When I was just 12 years old I slipped a thin silver engraved “True Love Waits” band onto my ring finger and I made a promise. I promised my future husband seven years ago now that I’d WAIT for him. But the truth of the matter is, I’m done waiting.

What do I mean by wait? 

My, how I wish I could have told my 12 year old self what it really meant. It wasn't just a promise to wait to have sex until I said “I do” but a promise so much deeper than that. But the truth of the matter is, I'm done waiting.

For many years I was deceived by the fact if I wore that little silver ring everything would be a walk in the park; for some time it was, but then relationships came into play. In the beginning of my dating life I thought that that little silver ring would let boys (note I say boys, not men) know that I believed that “true love waits.” Maybe it did, maybe it didn't, I don’t plan on going back and asking them. But the truth of the matter is, I’m done waiting.

What exactly am I done waiting for? 

Have I given up on the promise I've made to my future husband? No. But I’m done waiting.

Have I lowered of what I look for in a man? No. But I'm done waiting. 

So forget the silver engraved rings and 12 year old promises of true love waiting because I'm done waiting.

I've reached the point in my life where I’m open and ready for a man to come along and fulfill above and beyond everything I've ever dreamed about in a man. I long for the day that what I've “waited” for for so long will come to pass. 

Have I lowered my standards? No. I believe with every fiber in my being that the failures I've experienced in past relationships have led to higher expectations for a man to spend the rest of my life with. I refuse to settle. And I'm done waiting.

#FineArtsProbz

Thanks to Timehop, little reminders from previous District Fine Arts Festivals are filling the app each and every day now. To say I don’t miss those days would be an enormous lie.

Five years ago around this time I began my first Fine Arts season. Throughout five district festival and three national festivals, I was taught true determination, a lot of patience, and most of all God’s calling upon my life.

I’m beyond thankful that Fine Arts has taught me more than any “how to” book ever could.

1. No matter what, it’s about Jesus.

--It took me almost five years to understand but when Nationals is over all that has happened through the year is done. I learned to perform like Jesus was in the room and I didn’t just want my ministry to just be “good.”

2. The devil took a pit stop at a Fine Arts Festival when he fell from Heaven.

--If you’ve ever felt the stress of one, you’d understand.

3. Meltdowns are an always.

--Bed Bath & Beyond’s floor, a Detroit10 hotel hallway, the PHX11 airport, the Russvegas IHOP after night one to just name a few. By my last year, I was mentally prepared for a meltdown at some point during Fine Arts season.

4. No matter what your scoresheet says, it’s only 3 people’s opinion.

--Every single district FAF I’ve been at I’ve heard this said by my wonderful DYD. This also took a while to understand the true meaning. I’ve seen NFAF merit winners walk away from God’s calling and I’ve seen people who didn’t even qualify for Nationals be so actively used by God; your score is only three people’s opinion.

5. Celebration Ceremony is simply one of the best nights.

--My last celebration ceremony wasn’t just a celebration of the merit winners but even more so what God was able to accomplish in five years of Fine Arts Festival.

6. No matter how many reminders you send, someone will always for get something.

--Whether it be when practice starts or their drumsticks for Worship Band at Nationals, I could always count on this.

7. When Springfield says registrations are due June 10th, they aren’t going to take them on June 12th.

--The final deadline for Nationals is much like the Rapture; if you miss it, you ain't getting in and are just straight outta luck.

8. Chances are you’ll watch hundreds of human videos over time and totally understand maybe five.

--I’m pretty sure that after five years of being in this I’ve seen a whole three human videos I could completely explain to someone else.

9. If you don’t have it by the time you’re there, practicing in the hallways isn’t gonna help.

--When you congregate in the hallway attempting to get your last practice in, you’re not gonna learn it any better there.

10. You will never see a group of teenagers look as rachet as they do on the bus ride home from nationals.

--There is nothing like rolling out the floor of a church van after sleeping for three hours to see another church van of rachets just like yourself.

All this to say, THANK YOU JESUS for things like Fine Arts Festival!

What You Deserve As A Woman

A man worth dating will never put you down. He will never say bad things about you. He will never call you names or make fun of your body. 
Instead, he will treat you with respect you deserve. 

A man worth dating will refuse to pry you away from my standards or beliefs. He’ll never try to talk you into doing things or going places you're uncomfortable with. 
Instead, he will respect the choices you've made for yourself and learn to accept and appreciate them because they’re a part of you.

A man worth dating will lead you, but never stand over you. He will be a partner who supports you and not a dictator who orders you around. He will never try to hold power over you or see you as a servant.
Instead, you'll be his partner in equality and he’ll work to make you feel empowered. 

A man worth dating won’t try to make you jealous or flirt with other girls when you two are together. 
Instead, he’ll respect the boundaries of your relationship. To him, you'll be enough. 

A man worth dating will never make you feel like you’re worthless or short on value. 
Instead, he’ll show you day after day just how much incredible value you hold. 

A man worth dating will never take advantage of your feelings for him by manipulating you or playing games with your heart or mind. 
Instead, he’ll simply appreciate them and be thankful he has them. 

A man worth dating won’t say things he doesn’t mean, make promises he won’t keep, or lie to cover his own mistakes. 
Instead, he’ll be honest and forthright about everything in his life. To him, you knowing the truth is more important than him being seen in a favorable light.

Nothing But the Blood Of Jesus

Oh! precious is the flow

That makes me white as snow;

No other fount I know,

Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

(Nothing But the Blood, Robert Lowry | 1876)

The Blood. The precious blood of Jesus.

Too often as we go about our daily lives we begin to discount the true value of the Blood. We go to church and sing songs that talk about the blood like we sing along with songs on the radio. We sing along with the words on a screen, listen to a sermon, spend a few moments at an altar and walk out the door stuck in the same routine most churchgoers find themselves in.

When Jesus died His cruel death at Calvary, His death didn’t just purchase our salvation, but through it, we, as believers, can now experience redemption, forgiveness, justification, and sanctification. We now have access to the very throne room of God. No wonder we refer to as the precious blood of Jesus.

You see, I've walked where the blood so graciously was poured out. No longer can I merely stand and sing about Calvary and the shedding of His blood without something rapturing in my heart. Calvary isn't just a place in old school hymns that my grandparents sang but it's now a place where I've felt His love realer than before. There's something precious about Calvary but there's something even more precious about the blood that was poured out there at Calvary.

The blood is precious because of who He is. 

God's one and only son became a man. He's the one that left divinity to enter humanity. He left the perfection of Heaven to enter the sinfulness of Earth. He left perfect peace to enter human pain.

The blood is precious because of why He came. 

God allowed His son to come to earth that we may find abundant life (John 10:10). He came to die so that we might be able to live; what a love that would compel Him to come for you and me!

The blood is precious because of what it provides. 

Not only does His blood being us eternal life when we choose to accept Him but along with that comes healing through the 39 stripes for each and every disease we experience (Isaiah 53:5). It brings us freedom from sin (Revelation 1:5). The blood provides us with ability to overcome (Revelation 12:11)

I pray that there never comes a moment in life where I forget the true value of the blood oh Jesus. The purchase He made for you and me was the greatest purchase ever made and one to not be discounted.

It's the blood that gives me strength

From day to day,

It will never lose its power.

(The Blood Will Never Lose It's Power, Andrae Crouch | 1945)

To My Best Friend

184 days ago my best friend walked into a church camp office where our friendship began.

In the last 6 months, I've learned more about life, myself, and Jesus all because of a God ordained friendship. I could list 184 things I love about this friendship but I'll spare you and only list a mere 6.

1. You inspire me to to be more like Jesus. 
There's nothing more that I could ask for in a friendship than someone who makes me strive to take on the very heart of God. You're a prayer warrior on any and every occasion for whatever need may arise. You're love for Jesus and His calling is so contagious.

2. You've saved me so much money from therapy. 
Sometimes a text or even a phone call can fix more than weeks of therapy ever could. From laughter to tears, there's no one who's been more willing to stick by my side than you. I know that no matter what may come my way I'll never have to face it without Jesus and my best friend.

3. You've taught me that it's possible to smile through the tears. 
I wouldn't trade our laundry room heart to hearts for the world. In folding those 237 towels every day I learned more about how love and life can hurt but it's not the end of the world; there's still far greater ahead.

4. You bring out the kid in me. 
From water slides to blanket forts to juice boxes to upstairs dance parties, you've been able to bring out the carefree, worry free part of me that the real world tries to take captive. You let me admit my crushes like one would at a 8 year old's sleepover without any judgement. You let me live life to the fullest.

5. You make my world brighter. 
Within the last six months there hasn't gone a day by that your name hasn't come across my phone screen in some manner. You have the ability to make me laugh so hard that I have to say "stop or I'm gonna pee my pants!" You've been the sunshine to my gray days too many times to count.

6. You love me for me. 
No ulterior motives. You've seen me at my best and my worst and still love me the same. You challenge me. You motivate me. You've become the family I've always wanted, something I wouldn't trade for the world.

There's another gazillion things I could say, but that's another blog for another day.

Thank you for being my best friend. I love you, all the way to the moon and back.

-M. xoxo

A Perfect Plan in the Messiest Mess

I did something yesterday afternoon that I don't think I've EVER done before. For the first time in walking out of my office, I left papers strewn about my desk, file folders with pages out of them, and post it notes galore. Long story short, I left a big, stressful mess upon my desk.

For many, this isn't anything out of the ordinary. For me, this is a RARE occurrence. But as I made it out of my office, the Lord began teaching me something.

I love cleanliness. I love organization. Even more, I love a plan. To me, a mess complicates all of this.

God began speaking to my heart that sometimes it's okay to have a "messy" life. The organization of what I THINK He has in store and what I believe may be the "perfect" 5-year plan, sometimes, aren't really what He has in store. I know He has a plan, but more and more I'm seeing that His plan is so much greater and better than even my "perfect" plan.

So from now on, I'm learning that it's okay to have a mess every now and then; God is the one who can take that mess and transform it to the perfect plan.

I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart. (Jeremiah 1:5)

What Now?

What now? These two simple words formulate a question that fills my thoughts on a daily basis. 

The last 472 days have been filled with every emotion possible. From confusion to security; from hurts to triumphs. From loneliness to community; from nothing to everything. 

For the first time since I was 14 and a freshman in high school I've had a season which has been focused on me. For the first time in over 4 years, I've had a season where there has no boy (emphasis on the word boy, not man) I was dreaming about, texting, or dating. 

Has it been difficult? Yes. 

Has it been worth it? YES. 

My "perfect plan" never contained this. If you asked me 2 years ago if I thought I'd ever be single for this long, my automatic response would have been "oh no!" 

I grew up quicker than I thought I would. At just 19, I'm pursuing ministry in the Assemblies of God. I'm a year away from graduating college. I have a full time job and a full time paycheck. This is where I pictured myself 3 or 4 years from now, but not this time. 

"Single life may be only a stage of a life's journey, but even a stage is a gift. God may replace it with another gift, but the receiver accepts His gifts with thanksgiving. This gift for this day. The life of faith is lived one day at a time, and it has to be lived--not always looked forward to as though "real" living were around the next corner. It is today for which we are responsible. God still owns tomorrow." -Elisabeth Elliot

What am I really saying in all of this? Truth be told, I'm not really sure. 

But about what I do know. 

This season of singleness is a gift; it's a gift to be thankful for.
God has a plan. He has a plan for me to prosper and for good. 

God hasn't forgotten the place and season in which I am now. 

Someday, a man will come along and this season will make sense. 

Until the time comes where all of this makes a little more sense, "I won't give up, back up, let up, or shut up until I've preached up, prayed up, paid up, stored up, and stayed up for the cause of Christ."

For I am sure of this very thing, that the One who began a good work in [me] will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6)