Welcome 2015

1. Read More. 

In a world that demands so much of our time, I’ve forgotten just how relaxing it is to read a book just for ME. Not for school, not for credentialing, just for me, myself, and I. 
Here’s to a few pages here and a few pages there. 

2. No More Sugar Water.

Forget the carbonated drinks, it’s been 7 years since I’ve been tempted by one of those. But put a juice box in front of me and I’m instantly a 4 year old. 
Here’s to cutting out sugary drinks and solely drinking water and Almond Milk (with the exception of Chick-fil-A lemonade sweetened with Splenda).

3. Get Off Social Media.

I’m not saying that I won’t occasionally check-in, but we live in a world where social media constantly demands our time but it doesn’t constantly deserve our attention. Likes, favorites, and retweets are merely a number on an iPhone screen. 
Here’s fewer nights scrolling through Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

4. Hello, Fitness10.

I’ll be visiting a new friend here more often. Sure, my “Freshman 15” has been worked off, but who says I can’t keep training to be my ex-boyfriend’s hottest ex-girlfriend? 
Here’s to early mornings and late nights of becoming the fittest me I’ve ever known.

5. Intentional Relationships. 

Friendships that aren’t pursued tend to drift away to old memories. The past few years have contained too many types of these friendships. 
Here’s to pursuing friendships in order to keep them from here on out.

6. Be A Traveler, Not Just A Tourist.

“The traveler sees what he sees. The tourist sees what he has come to see.” -GK Chesteron. 
Here’s to seeing more of the world in the next 365 days. 

7. Keep A(nother) List. 

Write something down for every, single, day. A memory, a funny moment, a sweet text, something. 
Here’s to having something memorable for the next year.

8. Cover to Cover. 

Many people have, but I still have yet to read the Bible cover to cover chronologically. From Creation to the End. 
Here’s to 1170 pages of a deeper sight of what God has done and still has in store.

9. Light In Before Light Out. 

Every night before I turn on “Do Not Disturb” and put my phone on my nightstand, the Light must go in. What’s a day without the Word of God? 
Here’s to no more sleeps without Jesus time before my head hits the pillow. 

10. Breaking Sonic Chains

For those who have known me for any long period of time, I experienced a Sonic Blackberry Slush addiction. Hello LemonBerry water. 
Here’s to a year of no Sonic slushes.

11. Hooray for Mondays. 

For a good 50 out of the 52 weeks of the year, Mondays are met with the dread of having to return to work. Perspective change, going to work on Monday means I have a job. The ending of the weekend means I had friends to laugh with for 48 hours. 
Here’s to a new, joyful start to each week. 

12. Putting the Phone Down

The generation we live in is slowly losing how to interact with people. It’s a struggle for many of us (myself included) to go an entire meal without checking our phone screen to see what we may be missing. 
Here’s remembering what it’s like to interact with friends.

13. Clean, Clean, Clean. 

Clutter brings about stress in my life. Currently my stress level is about a 7. 
Here’s to clean closets and organized cabinets.

14. Handwritten Over Handtyped.

There’s just something about writing letter that makes my heart melt. Unlike a screenshot of a text, they’re something you can actually hold in your hands and know that someone else took their time to write it. 
Here’s to many note cards and Forever stamps.

15. New Year, New Goals.

2015. It’ll have ups, downs, highs, and lows, but there’s one thing I know for certain is that it’ll be a year to never forget. 
Here’s to 2015.

15 Things I Miss Everyday About My Ex-Best Friend

I write this in hopes that maybe someday, I can remove the “ex” out of the title. 

1. All the promises we made together. 
We promised that we’d be sissy-butts for life, that nothing and no one could come in the way of this promise. We promised each other at super young ages the role of MOH in each others wedding. I wonder each and every day what our lives would be like if we were still best friends. It’s so strange scratching things off of “our” bucket list with someone else.

2. Texting her when something major happens or running into someone unexpected. 

I accidentally send a text to an ex and she was the first to know. Or she'd see the realllllyy attractive lifeguard from camp and my phone was instantly blowing up with “OHMYGOSH, can he just marry me?"

3. Hearing all the details about her love life. 

We’d screenshot messages from the BAE at the time. She’d always be the first person to know how a date went with every single detail.

4. Being involved in each other’s families. 
Unlike many friendship that dissolve, her family is still mine. What’s the weirdest is being there without her. Sleepovers at her families house just aren’t the same when you can’t roll over at night and tell her something funny that happened to you that week.

5. The routines we shared together. 
For a major chunk of our childhood (obviously before either of us could drive) we’d always meet at the back of the Benton Walmart parking lot to be dropped off to go to each others house. We knew the exact amount of time it took each other go get ready down to walking out the door.

6. Clothes swapping. 
I was always about half a size bigger than she was but I still managed to squeeze into her clothes minus the jeans. But we did both wear an 8-1/2 shoe for the win!

7. Having someone I could do nothing with and still have fun. 
We were notorious for using the front camera on our phones and recording dumb videos when traveling. We were able to be comfortable in silence with each other at the same time though. There was just something about having your best friend right by your side.

8. Inside jokes no one else will EVER be able to understand. 
Sometimes I still make references to people getting “Chesters Chicken” and no one really gets it. We had our own language between each other that no one will ever get the references to.

9. Watching our favorite TV show reruns. 
We were a bit old fashioned. We loved I Love Lucy and The Andy Griffith Show (and Summer of Courage and Oscar if you thrown in movies to this bunch). We could quote more lines to these than one could even imagine. Throw in some brownie batter and it was a perfect night. 

10. Her social circle. 
To this day I still see people she went to high school with and can have more of a conversation with them in 10 minutes then her and I have had in the last two and a half years. Our “break-up” is impossible to explain to them for, well, I still don’t get the aspects of it all.

11. Finding something I know she would absolutely LOVE and not being able to get it for her. 
She looked great in gold, it matched her hair perfectly. And green, it complemented her eyes so well. And those lacy boots that she bought in Phoenix, no one can rock them like she did.

12. Late night conversations about anything and everything. 
I feel as though if most people had heard our conversations, we’d be in some type of mental hospital now. One word and we’d crack up. Tears, laughter, weird voices - they were all apart of our friendship.

13. How weird and dysfunctional I could be with her and she was TOTALLY cool with it. 
She was weird with me. That sums it up.

14. Being able to do things I'd never be able to with other friends. 
She’d pluck my eyebrows for me. I’d pick the mushrooms off of her pizza. In our friendship/sisterhood there wasn’t a thing such as boundary lines. 

15. Having someone just get me and my quirks cause we've known each other for so long. 
Yes, I’ve made new friends but they just don’t have the history and the memories what this one does.  Our bonding took 17 years to make - my entire life until our friendship ended; it’ll be a while before I reach this level with anyone else.

The Land of What If

Today, well, more so this week has been a major time of drifting into the land of “If Only/What If.” Yes, I know it’s not the most mind and emotion healthy place to drift to, but somehow there are just those days. Maybe it’s because person after person I know has either gotten engaged, married, or fallen into the hole of love (because you don’t fall in love, you fall in a hole).

In the drifting to these imaginary lands, my mind has gone back through every relationship I’ve been in and even thought about and considered being in.

Despite the feelings of loneliness that overcome me at times such as the upcoming Thanksgiving where every relative wants to know about your grades, friends, and most importantly, your love life, I have come to realize things through this.

• I am loved beyond words by:
• My Heavenly Father
• My family
• My friends
• I am destined for greatness far beyond these failed relationships.
• God has not forgotten where I am at.
• Someday, a man will come along that will fulfill me in every way.
• He will fill the holes left empty by other boys
• He will change my entire outlook on life and love.
• He will love me to the point I will forget the previous hurts.

1 Peter 2:9 But you are a chosen race...that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.

Galatians 1:15 But even before I was born, God chose me and called me by His marvelous grace.

Psalm 18:30 This God—His way is perfect; the Word of the Lord proves true; He is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him.

A Letter To Myself For Later

This past Sunday morning, I was not mentally or emotionally prepared to scroll through Facebook and see what I saw.

**My first serious boyfriend is engaged and planning on marrying another girl.**

When we broke up over a year ago, I had nothing in me that desired for our relationship to continue. Through that breakup, my eyes were opened to the many flaws of that relationship; throughout the last 13 or 14 months, the rejection of that relationship has taught me that I am being redirected toward better things.

But where does that help with the hurt?

To be completely honest, in a way it doesn't. Every emotion spiraled through my head and heart when I saw the relationship status change “Jordan Wright is engaged.” There was hurt, denial, pity, anger, and confusion; it was all there.

Despite all that has gone on in my heart and mind throughout the last four days, I know that there will come a someday where I won’t wish that things had turned out any differently. My head tells me that I do know this somewhere deep down, but I know that there will come a someday when I can feel it too.

Finding peace and rest in Joel 2 and Psalm 62.

-M.