The Land of What If

Today, well, more so this week has been a major time of drifting into the land of “If Only/What If.” Yes, I know it’s not the most mind and emotion healthy place to drift to, but somehow there are just those days. Maybe it’s because person after person I know has either gotten engaged, married, or fallen into the hole of love (because you don’t fall in love, you fall in a hole).

In the drifting to these imaginary lands, my mind has gone back through every relationship I’ve been in and even thought about and considered being in.

Despite the feelings of loneliness that overcome me at times such as the upcoming Thanksgiving where every relative wants to know about your grades, friends, and most importantly, your love life, I have come to realize things through this.

• I am loved beyond words by:
• My Heavenly Father
• My family
• My friends
• I am destined for greatness far beyond these failed relationships.
• God has not forgotten where I am at.
• Someday, a man will come along that will fulfill me in every way.
• He will fill the holes left empty by other boys
• He will change my entire outlook on life and love.
• He will love me to the point I will forget the previous hurts.

1 Peter 2:9 But you are a chosen race...that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.

Galatians 1:15 But even before I was born, God chose me and called me by His marvelous grace.

Psalm 18:30 This God—His way is perfect; the Word of the Lord proves true; He is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him.

A Letter To Myself For Later

This past Sunday morning, I was not mentally or emotionally prepared to scroll through Facebook and see what I saw.

**My first serious boyfriend is engaged and planning on marrying another girl.**

When we broke up over a year ago, I had nothing in me that desired for our relationship to continue. Through that breakup, my eyes were opened to the many flaws of that relationship; throughout the last 13 or 14 months, the rejection of that relationship has taught me that I am being redirected toward better things.

But where does that help with the hurt?

To be completely honest, in a way it doesn't. Every emotion spiraled through my head and heart when I saw the relationship status change “Jordan Wright is engaged.” There was hurt, denial, pity, anger, and confusion; it was all there.

Despite all that has gone on in my heart and mind throughout the last four days, I know that there will come a someday where I won’t wish that things had turned out any differently. My head tells me that I do know this somewhere deep down, but I know that there will come a someday when I can feel it too.

Finding peace and rest in Joel 2 and Psalm 62.

-M.